It's been a minute (or twenty days, but who's counting?) since I last wrote on the blog. My world has grown to be a big, crazy frenzy over the past couple of weeks. I'm not even entirely sure why, but I've been overwhelmed trying to keep up with all the things I'm "supposed" to do.
- Make dinner every night (um... is it wrong to get pizza delivered for a third time this week?)
- Ensure my kids get all of their schoolwork completed for the week (who wants to watch PBS kids and play DreamBox for half the day?)
- Keep up with all of the household chores (I did a load of laundry this week after the boys were in their underwear for three days. Winning.)
- Have some family fun (quiet game and naps anyone?)
- Zoom meetings for work (I may or may not have been in pajama pants... but I remembered a bra so there's that.)
- Work projects (hello 11pm - 2am when it's actually quiet and no one is saying "mommy"... I never want to see you again.)
- Connecting with my spouse (want to fall asleep 5 minutes into another movie tonight?)
- Serving and loving other people like Jesus (Marco Polo chats count, right?)
Does any of this look/sound like your house right now or are you perfect? Because if this isn't you, then can you come and handle my household for a minute while I take a power nap... for a few days?
In the middle of this - which is glorious and messy and squeezing out all the ick from my heart - I keep hearing the Lord prompt my heart to be true to what He is calling me to, not the things on my own agenda. And sis, I have an agenda. I have projects on my mind that I want to get to, I have those precious moments at the end of the day I plan on vegging out in front of the TV for some mind-numbing show until I can drift off to sleep. I have things I want to accomplish with my kids each day. I have recipes I want to try, lists I want to check off, cleaning I want to do, organizing the laundry room (I swear it never ends), and the list goes on and on.
Those are all good things, but that doesn't make them the best things. The God things. Every evening, I hear the Lord, just when I climb into bed and go to fiddle on my phone or turn on a show, call to me and remind me of what he has put in front of me to do. That thing he convicted my heart to do at the beginning of this year. That thing I promised I would see through. I would obey him and sacrifice what I want to do it. And at that point, I have a choice. I can obey or I can do my own thing. I can choose to worship God or I can choose to worship myself.
Whoa. When I look at it that way, it seems like pretty risky territory to choose to do my own thing. What does that say about me? What does that say about my view of God? His level of importance to me? What am I saying to my kids about the importance of following God no matter what?
I'm reminded of some incredibly wise words my friend Jess shared with me a couple months ago when I was talking at our bible study about this very thing. I was struggling to obey the Lord because I didn't feel motivated or inspired or like I even knew how to do it well. She said something that evening that stopped me in my tracks and has stuck with me ever since. I think it may do the same for you. Here it is...
"You just need to do it. Just do it, Lyndsay." - Jessica Chandler (March 2020)
As much as I love to tease her about the profound and complicated wisdom behind that statement, it actually is profound. I just need to do it. I know what God asked me to do. I don't know how to do it well, I don't feel inspired, I'm lacking motivation, but none of those things can actually stop me from obeying. It may be ugly, it may be messy, it may be poorly executed, but I can do it anyway. My husband has a saying (I think he stole it from someone else), "If a thing is worth doing, it's worth doing poorly." I have hated that statement in the past because I thought, "Um, no. That's not how that works," but I just didn't understand it. Whatever God asks me to do, it's worth doing. My best may be doing that thing poorly. My best may be underwhelming. My best may be kind of a wreck. But it's still a thing worth doing. And I just need to do it.
Can I just say this? When I choose to worship God instead of myself with obedience - especially when I'm tired and I don't feel like it and my attitude is less that Christlike - I never regret it. Really truly, I can watch a show and veg out, but it doesn't bring any real rest to my soul. And that's what I actually need - rest for my weary soul. Do you know how you get rest for your weary soul? Obedience. Blessings always follow obedience (just look at every single story in the Bible when someone obeys God). And we only find true rest in the shadow of His wings. Obedience pulls us close to Him because we are denying sin a place in our lives.
Today, instead of doing your own thing because you are tired or maxed out or busy or unmotivated, try obeying him. I promise you this - you won't regret it and it will bring rest to your weary soul.
So, what has God put in front of you this year? Are you allowing the pandemic to throw you off track? Your calling hasn't been put on hold because of this virus. God knew this was coming! Even if you are in waiting, your waiting doesn't have to be without purpose. Your waiting can be a time of preparation for what's to come so that once those gates open, once the time to step through that door arrives, you are fully prepared to do so.
So... my encouragement to you is this: Just do it, sis. Quit complaining, quit whining, quit waiting, quit wondering, quit struggling, quit waiting for inspiration or motivation to drop out of the sky - just go out and do it. You've got the power to do just that.
You don't have to have all the answers tonight. You don't have to know what the final destination is. You don't have to have your contingency plans. You just have to take that step. And then take another. It's a lot easier to steer a ship at sea than in the harbor... God will move you in the right direction as you start moving forward.
Praying for you, sis. I'm praying tonight that God would whisper (or yell - whatever you need) to your heart a reminder of the calling on your life and to obey him. I'm praying for rest for your weary soul and that you would pull in close to him in the shadow of his wings through obedience to the thing He's put in front of you to do.