It's been a minute (or twenty days, but who's counting?) since I last wrote on the blog. My world has grown to be a big, crazy frenzy over the past couple of weeks. I'm not even entirely sure why, but I've been overwhelmed trying to keep up with all the things I'm "supposed" to do.
The past two days have been the realization of a dream in my heart for years that I was only able to articulate and put skin on its bones just two months ago. I cannot believe it all happened so quickly. I cannot believe it was conceived, grew and developed, and was birthed so suddenly. Two months ago, the Lord put a vision in my head and heart. I prayed for direction, asked 5 women if they'd chase this thing down alongside me, and we started running. Full speed ahead. We all had a million things on our plates already, but felt the call to run, felt the burning inside to run, felt the uncontrollable itch to run; legs shaky, hands sweaty, feet restless, we started to run. Now we are feeling our hair whip around our faces, the wind at our backs, the adrenaline rush, the runner's high. I cannot stop my eyes from welling with tears when I look around and see all that God is doing and the only word that comes to mind is, "abundance."
This week has been heavy. It has been overwhelming. It has been sad. It has been exhausting. It has been unsettling. This week has riddled my mind with anxiety and filled my heart with sorrow.
My gut reaction to these emotions is, "That is not very Christ-like. I was made for joy, not sorrow! Yes, everything looks terrible, but when we have Jesus we win! I need to get over this unholy attitude."
The Lord gently lifted my gaze, elevated my thinking, and altered my attitude today. Don't get me wrong, I am still feeling the weight of it all trying to paralyze me, but I'm not thinking this sorrow is unholy anymore.