Listen. Sometimes, I am so done with life for a minute. Do you know what I mean? Running around with kids all day listening to whining and hearing "Mommy!" all day long is exhausting enough. Throw in trying to get some work around the house done or catch up on laundry or meet up with a girlfriend, and it feels impossible. Maybe you are also working outside the home too. Cray - Z.
Maybe you don't have kids and your life looks completely different. The point remains. We are all exhausted. And I would guess we are all desperate for meaningful connection with other people. More than wishing your FB friend "happy birthday" or getting together for a cookout. More than small talk and lunch dates. We are all desperate for real, authentic, messy, sometimes ugly, bare your soul kind of connection. But we are SO FRIGGIN' TIRED.
I want that kind of closeness with God too. I want a REAL relationship with God. More than an emotional Sunday morning or a meaningful class at church. More than a good christian living book. More than knowledge of who He is and His character. More than operating in the Spirit even. I just want to be snuggled up next to Jesus. I want to be close enough to hear every whisper and every breath. But I am so friggin' tired.
Honestly. The day starts chaotic. It's usually a struggle to convince myself to connect with the Lord when I wake up. I tell myself the lie that at the end of the day, once the kids are in bed, I'll have my Jesus time. Yeah, right. If by Jesus time, you mean a glass of wine and binge watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
I have this best friend. Alex. She is the best person I've ever known. She is that kind of rare friend that calls you out on your crap, will sit with you in your crap, will pull you out of your crap, and will cry with you in the crap. She is that friend. She comes over to my house in fuzzy pajamas. She brings a bottle of wine. She cleans my kitchen when I'm just lazy. She is the only person allowed in my home when it is beyond "lived in" and more like "died in". It's never hard to be around her. She is someone I can tell anything to and know it's not going to change the way she loves me. In fact, I've told her some awful things about myself - things most people would have a hard time getting past - and she didn't distance herself from me. I can tell her anything, but we can also sit and not need to talk. It's not awkward, it's just that we're so close, we don't need to talk to enjoy hanging out. We can just sit on the couch and be around each other and it's better than being alone. There are no requirements when we are together. I may have a million things on my plate, but I've NEVER regretted putting those aside and hanging out with her - whatever we're doing. Those things on my plate are still there when we part, but it doesn't add any stress. It actually has only ever relieved stress being with Alex.
I think this is something God showed me today. We are all desperate for meaningful connection. We are all looking for our "Alex". God wants to fill that gap.
I swear, I have never once regretted spending time with God. Even if I didn't get what He was saying, even if I didn't hear anything terribly profound that day with Him, even if I had a huge list of "MUST DO" items, I have never once regretted time with Jesus. In fact, just like Alex, I feel relaxed and ready to handle that crazy list. I feel clear headed and ready to face the chaos. Sometimes I have answers for the day hidden in those sweet times with Jesus.
We are all desperate for connection. We are all looking for our "Alex". We all have an Alex in Jesus - only perfect (sorry Alex, but I know your stuff). That closeness we crave with the Lord is only realized when we choose Him over our to-do lists. When we choose Him over a schedule. When we choose Him over sleeping in. When we choose Him over wine and Brooklyn Nine-Nine.
Connection says, "You are my priority." Connection to things or schedules - there is no relationship that can be achieved there. Only loneliness. Connection to the Lord - there is abundant, overflowing, never ending, no matter how stupid you are, relationship.
What are you prioritizing? I've recently chosen to make time with God, not just the understanding of God, a priority. To treat Him as a person (a perfect, holy, eternal, person) instead of a book of instructions or a cosmic soda machine.
Maybe we can start making a real, deep connection with God and others and stop being so desperate and lonely. We get to choose that.